


CommanderSP xoxo MajorKool

by prettysemmy



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Poetry, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff, M/M, POV Kaidan Alenko, POV Male Shepard, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Sickeningly Sweet, Silly, Underage Drinking, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-05
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-13 15:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettysemmy/pseuds/prettysemmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan has such a brain crush on CommanderSP. He writes the best Shepard. Just the right mix of sweet and smart and funny and fucking badass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Tricky Post Button

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spicyshimmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyshimmy/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday spicyshimmy! My inspiration took about half a step so this is kind of an awkward concept. I've seen something like this done in other fandoms but, as far as I know, not in this one yet. Hope you like this and it isn't too weird.

Alright, he's going to do it. Isn't he? He can do this. Right? Kaidan holds his mouse over the post button...and does not click down.

Dammit, why does this have to be so hard? It's just a gift fic. CommanderSP has already gotten a ton of gift pics and fics. He probably won't even notice yours.

Okay, Kaidan, was that supposed to be encouraging? Well, it was an epic failure.

See, it's just that, Kaidan has been a huge fan of Mass Effect since it started. And well, he is a big fan of Kaidan Alenko because they share their first name and a crush on a certain Commander Shepard. He'd gotten into fandom shortly after the third game because it just _couldn't end_ like _that._ Shepard and Kaidan had a love that could not be stopped. It defied death.

And so he went to find a different ending.

That was when he discovered CommanderSP. Well, CommanderSP on AO3, tehAwesomeShep on LJ, CDRSexyPants on DW. But, well, he had found a new crush. Sort of. Probably. At least he has a crush on CommanderSP's brain. SP always writes the best Shepard. SP's Shep seems so _real_. Just the right mix of sweet and smart and funny and fucking badass. Kaidan would totally melt if he ever met SP's Shepard in real life. He would also probably stare until his brain crashed and then mumble incoherently for the rest of his life but...not the point.

No, so, that was how he got into slash, and fanfic in general. Now he's a total junkie. It’s kind of taken over his life. He's still doing fine in all his classes but his free time is spent reading or gaming and now writing. Because after reading all those stories? Kaidan had eventually wanted to contribute too.

He doesn't write a lot, but his fics seem to do well enough. People like his version of Kaidan, which is cool because he pretty much bases Kaidan off of himself...a cooler version of himself...with nicer hair...

...yeah.

But he had finally decided to take that step into the other side of fandom.

And that was the night he created MajorKool.

The username had honestly seemed like a good idea at the time. Though he may have been a bit low on sleep and a bit high on sugar. Decisions that big should _not_ be made at four in the morning under the influence of three glasses of nesquik. He also blames it on being a fan of Hackers.

Oh, well, too late now.

And since he is kind of a total CommanderSP stalker he found out SP's birthday was coming up and he started writing a fic for him like a month ago. [And Kaidan doesn't _know_ if SP is really a _him,_ but he really really hopes, so just let him live in the dream a little longer, okay?]

And also because Kaidan is such a stalker, he knows SP is a fan of Star Trek too so he wrote a crossover fic where Shepard was the Captain and Kaidan was his Spock. It’s probably complete crap but he worked really hard on it. He hopes SP will like the originality at least. It hasn't been done in the Mass Effect fandom yet, so he's a first. You know, if he ever actually posts it.

Kaidan looks at that tricky post button again. It is definitely taunting him.

Okay, he needs some reassurance.

 **specialK2185** : You think my fic is good enough to post, right?  
 **ashbash** : Come on K I betaed the fuck out of that thing. It's good. I promise. Send your damn love post already and don't bug me until he writes something back. I'm playing CoD and if you make me die again I. will. kill. you.  
 **specialK2185** : You say the nicest things Ash, love you too.  
 **ashbash** : Just post it fucker!

Ash is his only RL friend who knows he slashes. They met in their intro C++ class as CE freshmen and it was love at first sight. In a sense. Well, if Kaidan wasn't totally irrepentably gay he might have tried to date her...but...yeah.

They didn't know the whole slash thing about each other at first, but after a week, some illegal imbibing of beer and a passionate discussion of the merits of the 360 vs. the PS3 vs. PC, it all came tumbling out.

That Kaidan is gay (Ash _swears_ she already knew but Kaidan _swears_ she looked surprised) that they both have a possibly unhealthy attachment to Mass Effect, that Kaidan ships mShenko like it's FedEx and Ash ships femShep/Garrus like it's...also FedEx.

But it was a very freeing moment for him. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about all this stuff that was suddenly a big part of his life. And after that they pretty much became best friends forever.

But he wants to reach out. Specifically to the awesome sexy brain of CommanderSP. Hence the birthday fic. Hence the sitting here staring at the screen.

*ping*

 **ashbash** : Your story's not up yet. Grow a quad K.

Kaidan groans. She's right, he's being such a pussy right now. Just do it Kaidan.

He scrolls back over to the post button and clicks down.


	2. Slash57 Is A Freaking Ninja

"Dammit! How is this guy so good?" Garrus says to his screen as his CoD guy dies.

"Is slash57 kicking your ass again Garrus?" Shep asks amused, temporarily distracted from his studying.

"Yeah, he's a freaking ninja."

"You have such a man-crush on that guy." Shep smirks at him but Garrus misses it because all of his attention is consumed by the game as he respawns.

"Hey, slash57 is my hero," Garrus says back unashamed, "And some day when I grow up, I want to be like him." He tilts his head to the side and adds, "Or possibly beat him and make him want to grow up to be like me, that works too."

"You are such a nerd," Shep says shaking his head.

"Says you," Garrus shoots back.

*ping*

Shep puts his highlighter in his mouth so he can check the new email on his phone. Shep drops his highlighter as his mouth opens in shock. "Shit."

"What?" Garrus asks, curiously, without glancing away from the screen.

"MajorKool wrote me a gift fic," Shep says in disbelief.

"Really?" Garrus says, surprised too.

"Garrus," Shep adds in a tone of wonder, "he wrote me a Star Trek cross-over gift fic."

"Well Shep," Garrus nods, "I think it's love."

"Shut up you ass," Shep tosses the highlighter at Garrus' head. It hits its mark but Garrus continues unfazed.

"Hey, if I die, you die, remember that," Garrus says in a empty threat. Then, "Yes! Got him! See, I'm still way better at sniping than slash57. He's got nothin' on me there." Garrus lifts his hands in the air in triumph, and then promptly gets melee-ed in the back. 

Shep laughs and says, "You know, sometimes I wonder about the strong emotions you have for that guy."

"Hey, I, unlike you, am not gay," Garrus states, "My admiration is purely platonic." Then he adds, "And you don't even know if MajorKool is actually a guy anyway. I can wonder about the strong emotions you have for _her."_

"No way, MajorKool is totally a guy," Shep says indignantly. "Just look at his pen name."

"You mean that ridiculous pen name that sounds marginally more masculine than feminine. You're wrong. Admit it. You're totally crushing on some chick."

"But his Kaidan is just so _perfect,"_ Shep says. "It just makes me wanna-"

"Bring him home and suck his cock?" Garrus interjects.

Shep frowns at him and then thinks about it, "Well, yeah, pretty much."

"You know, your students would be so disappointed to know that their teaching assistant Mr. Shep--loves--the--cock."

"Shut up, you're just jealous because I get all the attention."

"No, I'm totally not," Garrus says in disgust, "high schoolers are not my thing."

Shep shakes his head and then grabs his laptop. He clicks on his bookmark to MajorKool's AO3 page. Then he just stares at the screen still not believing it. _MajorKool wrote him a fic._ This was like--the--best--day--ever.

"But, Garrus," Shep says with a little bit of a whine, "his Kaidan is just the right amount cute and sexy and awkward." Then in yearning he adds, "And he has such great sex hair. We would make great plot babies together."

Garrus snorts, "Shep, you cannot base your fictional relationship on how well he writes his Kaidan's sex hair."

"Says you," Shep shoots back at him.

Garrus shakes his head, "Alex, this obsession you have with him can't be healthy."

"Shut up, _Gary,"_ Shep says, using Garrus' real name to get back at him.

"Hey," Garrus says in a serious tone, "you promised to never say that name."

"Well then don't call me Alex," Shep says snottily. He smirks again and adds, "GareBear."

"That is _not_ funny. And I still haven't forgiven you for that." Garrus glances back so he can glare at Shep for a second. "I was gone for just _two_ minutes and you fucked with my Xbox live and now I'm stuck with that ridiculous name."

"You could have fixed it," Shep says, pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah but I'd have to make a call or something." He shrugs.

Shep snorts, "You don't even know, do you?" He shakes his head and adds, "You're such a lazy ass."

"The point is," Garrus emphasizes, "you're an asshole and you owe me."

Shep smiles at his roommate and then looks back at his screen. He clicks on the title, 'You Be My Captain, I'll Be Your Spock.' In the notes at the top of the page it says:

\--------------------  
To CommanderSP,  
Happy birthday from your biggest fan. Hope you enjoy this gift fic.  
-MajorKool  
\--------------------

Oh, man. Shep has such a _crush_ on this guy. This is so not going to help. And the story is 40k too! That had to take effort. Ugh, he was dying to read it but he had class at 8:00 and it was already 2:00. No, it would have to wait. But first thing after class he was going to be all over that MajorKool, er, fic.


	3. The Text Files # 1

\--------------------  
This fic you wrote me was amazing! Thank you so much. I'm still not over its epic awesomeness. As always your Kaidan is super hot, and I don't know how you did it, but Garrus as Bones just _worked._  
And I'm a huge fan of you as well, I love your stuff. Maybe we could work together sometime.  
\--------------------

Kaidan takes off his reading glasses, cleans them, puts them back on, and stares at that line again. _Maybe we could work together sometime._

Oh, god.

 **specialK2185** : Ash, he just said that maybe we should work together!!!  
 **specialK2185** : I don't know what to do.  
 **specialK2185** : I'm freaking out right now.  
 **ashbash** : Well, message him back you idiot!  
 **ashbash** : Tell him you'd love to, and you'll marry him and love him forever  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah, no.  
 **specialK2185** : That would freak him out.

But Kaidan needs to say _something._ And to work with CommanderSP? Only a dream come true. A very very nerve racking and probably dirty dream come true. But…

...yeah.

 **specialK2185** : Alright, here it goes.

he types to Ash, and then in the comment box below SP's invitation of a lifetime,

\--------------------  
Yeah, that would be great! I would love that. Let me know, my im is specialK2185.  
\--------------------

That was cool enough, right? He didn't come off as _too_ desperate. Oh, what if he did? Giving his im instead of his email--

*ping*

 **justshepN7** : Hi, this is CommanderSP.

Kaidan gives the computer comically wide eyes. Shit. He didn't think it would be that fast! Or at _all_ actually. What is he going to say? Kaidan is such a _dork,_ he's totally going to say something stupid and CommanderSP will be like, 'wow that MajorKool is Major _Lame._ Why did I ever think working with him was a good idea?'

 **specialK2185** : Hi.

Kaidan types, then,

 **specialK2185** : How's it going?

Wow Kaidan. You're really on you're A game tonight, aren't ya. But then SP messages back,

 **justshepN7** : Good. You?  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah, I'm good too.

After Kaidan answers there is this incredibly awkward pause. What now? He needs to say _something._ You know, before he starts gushing his _feelings_ and then maybe confessing _undying love._ What now? What now? _What now?_

Oh, thank god, he has an idea.

 **specialK2185** : So what did you have in mind to work on?


	4. The Text Files # 2

**specialK2185** : So what did you have in mind to work on?

Shit, Shep has no idea. He just saw that the Major gave him his im and he pounced. He didn't even think about it first.

Make something up Shep. Something suave. Um...He makes an annoyed growl noise in the back of his throat. Nothing. He's coming up with _nothing._

Alright, honesty it is then.

 **justshepN7** : No idea.  
 **justshepN7** : Just thought you were awesome and wanted to say hi.  
 **specialK2185** : Oh, cool.  
 **specialK2185** : Hi.  
 **specialK2185** : I already said that.  
 **specialK2185** : Sorry.

Oh, good. Sounds like the Major is as nervous as he is. That calms Shep down a bit. He can handle this. He's awesome and stuff.

 **justshepN7** : So, Major  
 **justshepN7** : What inspires your Kaidan?  
 **justshepN7** : I'm always amazed with how you write him.

There's a short pause, then,

 **specialK2185** : Honestly?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah.  
 **specialK2185** : I kind of base him off myself.  
 **specialK2185** : Except I'm way less cool.  
 **justshepN7** : You seem pretty cool to me.


	5. The Text Files # 3

**justshepN7** : You seem pretty cool to me.

Kaidan totally just melted a little. Aww. _And you seem amazing_ he starts to type but backtracks and instead keys,

**specialK2185** : Uh, thanks.  
 **specialK2185** : So, how do you write your Shep?

(And yes! He is still managing coherent thought.)

**justshepN7** : Oh, he's like me  
 **justshepN7** : Just not as cool  
 **specialK2185** : Ha ha funny  
 **specialK2185** : Nobody can be cooler than Shep  
 **justshepN7** : Whanna bet?  
 **justshepN7** : How about if Shep could dance?  
 **specialK2185** : Okay, I'll give you that  
 **specialK2185** : Shep's a terrible dancer  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, but I ROCK at dancing.  
 **specialK2185** : I'd like to see that.

Kaidan types it before he thinks.

No! Oh, why did he just type that? Why? He sounds _creepy._ Doesn't he?


	6. The Text Files # 4

**specialK2185** : I'd like to see that.

And I'd _like_ you to see it. But he _totally_ can't say that. Instead he types,

**justshepN7** : Yeah, I bet you do.

Okay, Shep the hell what does that even mean? Face meet palm.

Awkward pause contines. So...um, what now?

Oh!

**justshepN7** : I have a writing idea  
 **justshepN7** : Why don't we find a prompt  
 **justshepN7** : And then we'll fill it together  
 **justshepN7** : I'll write the Shepard parts and you write Kaidan


	7. The Text Files # 5

**justshepN7** : I'll write the Shepard parts and you write Kaidan

Writing? Right now? Kaidan takes a deep breath. You can do this K. Impress him with your awesome talents-ish-ness...hopefully.

**specialK2185** : Yeah that's a good idea  
 **specialK2185** : Got a prompt?  
 **justshepN7** : Here  
 **justshepN7** : [ http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19370487#t19370487](http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19370487#t19370487)  
 **justshepN7** : How about it Kaidypoo?  
 **specialK2185** : No way.  
 **justshepN7** : Aww, I like it.  
 **justshepN7** : This is totally happening.  
 **specialK2185** : No  
 **specialK2185** : This is never happening  
 **specialK2185** : And we will never speak of it again  
 **specialK2185** : And that is a very good point anon makes  
 **specialK2185** : Why would you EVER name a lover after shit.

Ugh. Kaidan shakes his head in disgust. But...if they're going for mass effect kink then... 

**specialK2185** : Here!

Kaidan finds one and types, excited,

**specialK2185** : Yes! This one.   
**specialK2185** : [ http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19831287#t19831287](http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19831287#t19831287)  
 **specialK2185** : Please this one.  
 **justshepN7** : What?! No way.  
 **justshepN7** : I am not letting you tie me up and whip me or whatever.  
 **specialK2185** : Oh come on.  
 **specialK2185** : Please let me put you in a leash and collar.  
 **specialK2185** : No whipping I swear.  
 **specialK2185** : I'll make it sexy.  
 **specialK2185** : Please.

Kaidan waits but when he gets no response he becomes exponentially more nervous. Okay, that was too much wasn't it? Yeah, that was _way_ too much. Dammit. Stop with the _creepiness_ Kaidan. Tone it down! SP's going to sign out and never talk to you again ever and-

But then SP answers,

**justshepN7** : Maybe.  
 **justshepN7** : Just not on the first date okay?

Kaidan slumps in relief. And actually, wow, _hot._ And wait...does that mean they are going to do this again? And SP called this a _date._ His mind starts doing a happy dance.

Alright, this is _really_ important. Make a good impression Major. Find something they both like…

**specialK2185** : Okay, how about this one  
 **specialK2185** : [ http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19529975#t19529975](http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5367.html?thread=19529975#t19529975)  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, I like that one  
 **justshepN7** : So, who gets the blow job?  
 **justshepN7** : You or me?  
 **justshepN7** : I vote me.  
 **specialK2185** : Of course you would  
 **justshepN7** : Fine you get one  
 **specialK2185** : No, that's okay  
 **specialK2185** : I'll give you the blow job


	8. The Text Files # 6

**specialK2185** : I'll give you the blow job

Wow. Shep can't really believe he is actually having this conversation with the Major. Right now. It's...hot, and kinda freaky, honestly. Like for example, is the Major a girl or a guy. Hot or not so much with the hot. But regardless, it's exciting. He can't help but imagine it's Kaidan on the other side and he's practically sitting on the edge of his seat wondering where this is going to go.

 **justshepN7** : Yeah, alright

he types, trying not to hold his breath.

 **specialK2185** : So  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah, I guess I'll just start  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, that's good  
 **specialK2185** : And when I stop, or you want to start, let's just type  
 **specialK2185** : .  
 **specialK2185** : Okay?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah good  
 **specialK2185** : Okay

There is a really long pause and Shep swallows nervously. Waiting, waiting, and then,

 **specialK2185** : Kaidan woke up slowly  
 **specialK2185** : He'd had that dream again  
 **specialK2185** : The one where Shepard is in a collar, dancing on Omega  
 **justshepN7** : Hey!  
 **specialK2185** : This is my story right now  
 **specialK2185** : Butt out of it  
 **justshepN7** : Fine, sorry  
 **specialK2185** : He'd had that dream and now he wanted Shepard so much  
 **specialK2185** : He turned to his sleeping lover  
 **specialK2185** : He'd always wanted to try it  
 **specialK2185** : But he hadn't had the chance  
 **specialK2185** : Or the guts  
 **specialK2185** : But now?  
 **specialK2185** : Kaidan felt a small smirk slide onto his face  
 **specialK2185** : He reached over to run his fingertips across Shepard's hard stomach.  
 **specialK2185** : He dipped his fingers down Shepard's boxers  
 **specialK2185** : To run his hand along Shepard's velvety-soft semi-hard length.  
 **specialK2185** : He moaned at the feeling and shifted closer to his lover  
 **specialK2185** : Bringing his erection into contact with Shepard's body.  
 **specialK2185** : Kaidan placed his lips softly against Shepard's shoulder  
 **specialK2185** : And then got up to remove the blankets and then the boxers that were in his way  
 **specialK2185** : Shep moved his hips sleepily, helping  
 **specialK2185** : Kaidan looked at the gorgeous resting form of the man who was his  
 **specialK2185** : Kaidan's and only Kaidan's  
 **specialK2185** : Then he leaned down and placed a small kiss over Shepard's heart  
 **specialK2185** : Mine  
 **specialK2185** : He said softly, then  
 **specialK2185** : I love you  
 **specialK2185** : He trailed kisses down Shepard's body  
 **specialK2185** : Nipping on Shepard's nipples, each in turn  
 **specialK2185** : And then, reaching his destination,  
 **specialK2185** : He licked a stripe along the underside and then engulfed Shepard's cock in one motion.  
 **specialK2185** : .

Shep stares at the screen. Wow.

And now it's his turn. Shep pushes away the myriad of thoughts trying to distract him and shifts into the right frame of mind.

Don't keep him waiting Shep.

 **justshepN7** : Shepard let out a deep moan as his body swiftly came to consciousness.  
 **justshepN7** : He looked down and his blue eyes met Kaidan's brown, almost black with want  
 **justshepN7** : Fuck, Kaidan  
 **justshepN7** : He said breathlessly, bucking up as Kaidan sucked hard up his length  
 **justshepN7** : He let out another loud unabashed moan and Kaidan hummed around his erection in response  
 **justshepN7** : He wanted to be closer so he reached down to touch Kaidan's soft hair  
 **justshepN7** : Messy from sleep and looking like sex  
 **justshepN7** : Then he reached over to Kaidan's hand and linked their fingers together over his stomach  
 **justshepN7** : I want you so bad right now  
 **justshepN7** : He said in a tone he should've been ashamed of, but he couldn't manage  
 **justshepN7** : Not right now  
 **justshepN7** : Kaidan sucked him deep and then slowly up and off  
 **justshepN7** : A smirk formed on his face as if this was what he wanted all along  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard couldn't help growling,  
 **justshepN7** : Kaidan  
 **justshepN7** : And then he reached for the teasing man  
 **justshepN7** : But Kaidan stopped him with a hand to his chest  
 **justshepN7** : This is my story Shepard  
 **justshepN7** : He said  
 **justshepN7** : Okay  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard answered weakly  
 **justshepN7** : Kaidan didn't take command often, but when he did  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard couldn't help but follow  
 **justshepN7** : Kaidan held his eyes as he moved into position  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard watched enraptured as Kaidan lowered himself onto his cock  
 **justshepN7** : And he was enveloped in exquisite tight warmth  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard watched as Kaidan's eyes slid shut and his mouth opened in a sigh of a moan  
 **justshepN7** : He was beautiful  
 **justshepN7** : Shepard had never wanted anyone so much  
 **justshepN7** : .


	9. The Text Files # 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to shiny_glor_chan, hope you feel better hun. :)

**justshepN7** : Shepard had never wanted anyone so much

Oh, god, Kaidan is _so_ hard right now. He feels like such a creeper, barely managing to keep his hands above the desk. He keeps shifting in his seat and he only notices SP is waiting for him to continue when SP puts up another message.

 **justshepN7** : Still there?  
 **justshepN7** : Major?

Dammit. Okay Kaidan, pull yourself together.

 **specialK2185** : Yeah  
 **specialK2185** : Sorry  
 **justshepN7** : What's going on?  
 **specialK2185** : Um

There is a long pause where Kaidan doesn't elaborate. He feels frozen. But then finally, SP adds,

 **justshepN7** : Are you  
 **justshepN7** : Turned on right now?

Okay, well, he flat out asked. Kaidan's not going to lie. He types,

 **specialK2185** : Yeah  
 **specialK2185** : You?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah  
 **specialK2185** : That was really hot.  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah it was.

There is another longer pause and it's driving Kaidan _insane._ What are they doing here? This is so much more intense than just writing fic. Writing with someone, in _real_ time, stuff like _this._ And then SP types,

 **justshepN7** : Okay this is really really awkward  
 **justshepN7** : But I really want to ask  
 **justshepN7** : Are you a guy or a girl  
 **specialK2185** : Guy  
 **specialK2185** : You?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, I'm a guy too  
 **specialK2185** : Okay, that's awesome  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah

Kaidan bites his lip. That answer simultaneously makes him more relaxed and much _much_ more _tense._ He needs to get his brain at least a little out of the gutter. If he doesn't, then pretty soon he'll be typing one handed.

Something else. _Anything else._

 **specialK2185** : So  
 **specialK2185** : Does that count as sexting?  
 **justshepN7** : I don't know  
 **justshepN7** : Maybe  
 **justshepN7** : But it's over chat  
 **justshepN7** : So that makes it

Oh, no. Kaidan slumps as he realizes where this is going.

 **specialK2185** : No  
 **specialK2185** : Don't go there SP  
 **specialK2185** : Do NOT  
 **justshepN7** : Ha ha  
 **justshepN7** : That's awesome  
 **specialK2185** : You went there  
 **justshepN7** : We are totally SHATTING right now  
 **specialK2185** : What is it with you and excrement?  
 **specialK2185** : Seriously  
 **specialK2185** : You have a problem  
 **specialK2185** : Well, that effectively ruined the mood  
 **justshepN7** : Sorry Kaidypoo  
 **specialK2185** : DON'T  
 **justshepN7** : Sorry  
 **justshepN7** : But uh, seriously, we should do this again  
 **specialK2185** : You want to talk again?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah  
 **justshepN7** : Definitely  
 **justshepN7** : Don't you?  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah  
 **specialK2185** : Totally  
 **specialK2185** : I'd LOVE to

Okay, too much Kaidan, tone it down.

 **specialK2185** : So you have to go?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah  
 **justshepN7** : Sorry  
 **specialK2185** : No, it's fine  
 **justshepN7** : But tomorrow night I'm free  
 **specialK2185** : Oh  
 **specialK2185** : So you want to chat then?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah  
 **justshepN7** : I'd like that  
 **justshepN7** : A lot  
 **specialK2185** : Okay  
 **specialK2185** : Awesome  
 **specialK2185** : Uh, so, bye, I guess  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah bye

\- - - - justshepN7 has logged off- - - - - 

So…this just happened. This Just Happened. No--Fucking--Way. Kaidan hops up, grabs his phone and dials.

"Guess who has a chat date with the Commander?!" Kaidan says in a sing-songy voice. Then before Ash can say anything, "And we totally just wrote explicit fic together. Over chat. And he's a guy," He puts his hands in the air and spins around once, "It--Was--Awesome!"

"Wow, you are so bubbly right now. I do not know how to handle it," she says when he finally gives her a chance to talk.

"My dear Ash Eppes," he replies, "I am in The-Best-Mood-Ever."

"Alright," she says in a flat demanding voice, "We gotta celebrate. Get over here. You are going to tell me all about it. In excruciating detail. And then there will be beer. It will be epic."


	10. Unashamed, Shep, Is Not The Same Thing As Good

Shep hops up. "Yeah, oh, yeah," he says as he starts to dance around his dorm room. Moon walk it back. Then some Jackson with a spin. Moving like a robot. And now do the Shepard...

...Commence Epic Flailing.

"If I was your boyfriend," he starts to sing, "I'd never let you go," then-

"What are you _doing?"_ Garrus says.

Shep turns sharply to see Garrus standing in their open doorway with a disturbed look on his face.

"Uh..." Shep says.

"Do I even want to know?"

"Celebration dance?" Shep answers with a shrug. "I just chatted with MajorKool."

"I'm guessing it went well," Garrus says with raised eyebrows.

 _"Oh yeah,"_ Shep nods enthusiastically.

"Well, you might want to keep the dancing to a minimum," Garrus says looking vaguely disgusted, "That was really…something."

"What are you taking about?" Shep says, mock offended. "I'm a great dancer. I've been working on my moves." He shows off the complicated break dancer foot work he'd been practicing and then throws his hands out like, _'Ta-Da.'_

Garrus looks like he's trying not to laugh, "Unashamed, Shep, is _not_ the same thing as good."

"Whatever. You just don't know what good dancing looks like."

Garrus gives him a look like 'yeah sure' then starts switching out the books in his bag, a fond smile on his face.

"But, uh," Shep continues, "I have a chat date with the Major tomorrow night."

The smile slides off Garrus' face, "Are you forgetting about the tournament tomorrow?"

"Oh, shit, yeah, that's tomorrow isn't it," Shep says troubled.

"You're still going right?"

"Yeah definitely, I'm still going."

"You already told Wrex you'd be there-"

"Yeah, I'm going. Don't worry," Shep reassures him, "I'm still going to be on your team. We'll kick some CoD ass." He slumps a little, "I'll just have to try to message the Major."

"Sorry Shep," Garrus says, then, "Well, we gotta get to class."

"Yeah, that Dr. Hackett is such a hard ass."

"He said if you're late again he's kicking you out." 

"Naw, he's just pissed because I refuse to call him anything but Admiral."

But Shep was a bit bummed about missing his first date with the Major. He checks his im that night after class, and then again the next afternoon with no luck. Finally, about half an hour before they have to leave, MajorKool signs on.

 **justshepN7** : I'm so glad you're on

Shep types before the Major had a chance to say hi.

 **justshepN7** : I can't chat tonight  
 **justshepN7** : I forgot about this thing I have to go to  
 **specialK2185** : Do you have some time now?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, a little  
 **specialK2185** : Cool

Then there's that long pause that's becoming familiar but still not comfortable. Shep jumps in with,

 **justshepN7** : So what do you do when you're not writing porn?  
 **specialK2185** : I go to school. I'm a Computer Engineering Major  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah?  
 **justshepN7** : I'm a student too.  
 **justshepN7** : I'm going to be a PE teacher and a football coach  
 **specialK2185** : Cool  
 **specialK2185** : So you must be athletic  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, I'm pretty hot  
 **specialK2185** : Well, I'm pretty nerdy  
 **justshepN7** : Nothing wrong with that Major  
 **justshepN7** : Kaidan's pretty nerdy  
 **justshepN7** : And for him that equals hot  
 **justshepN7** : So you're what, like twenty?  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah  
 **specialK2185** : You?  
 **justshepN7** : Same  
 **specialK2185** : Cool  
 **justshepN7** : So, do you have a boyfriend?  
 **justshepN7** : Or a girlfriend?  
 **specialK2185** : No, neither  
 **justshepN7** : I don't either

Long pause then,

 **specialK2185** : Are you asking me out?

Shit.

 **justshepN7** : No

But then again,

 **justshepN7** : Maybe  
 **justshepN7** : Why  
 **justshepN7** : Would you say yes if I was?  
 **specialK2185** : Well, since you didn't ask  
 **justshepN7** : Okay, I did  
 **justshepN7** : Would you say yes?  
 **specialK2185** : I don't know  
 **justshepN7** : Oh  
 **specialK2185** : That's NOT a no  
 **justshepN7** : Oh  
 **justshepN7** : Well, I should probably get going  
 **specialK2185** : No, don't  
 **specialK2185** : Sorry  
 **specialK2185** : We could um  
 **justshepN7** : We could um what?  
 **specialK2185** : Write some more  
 **justshepN7** : Write what?  
 **specialK2185** : What are you wearing right now?  
 **justshepN7** : That is such a creepy segway Major  
 **specialK2185** : Sorry  
 **specialK2185** : Sometimes I end up a little creepy  
 **specialK2185** : And call me K  
 **specialK2185** : If that's okay  
 **justshepN7** : Sure  
 **justshepN7** : Call me Shep  
 **justshepN7** : And I was just teasing you  
 **justshepN7** : Okay K?  
 **specialK2185** : Cute  
 **justshepN7** : Blue jeans, black boxers, red shirt and N7 hoodie  
 **justshepN7** : That's what I'm wearing.  
 **justshepN7** : I look pretty fantastic  
 **specialK2185** : Um  
 **specialK2185** : I'm wearing blue jeans and a blue Spock t-shirt  
 **justshepN7** : Sexy

Shep hears Garrus unlock the door.

 **justshepN7** : My roommate's back

he types.

"Talking to MajorKool again?" Garrus asks.

"Yeah," Shep turns to look at him, "he's like perfect Garrus. Nerdy, my age, single. I think I'm in love."

"He could be lying," Garrus says seriously, "He might actually be a creepy stalker." He shrugs, "Just saying."

 **justshepN7** : GareBear says hi.

Shep glances back at Garrus with a smile, "Are you worrying about me Garrus? Aww, how sweet."

"Shut up."

 **specialK2185** : GareBear?  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah I call him that to annoy him.  
 **justshepN7** : He goes by Garrus  
 **justshepN7** : Totally honest  
 **specialK2185** : So I'm not the only one you annoy with horrible nicknames  
 **justshepN7** : Don't worry, you're still special


	11. You Mako Me Crazy

**justshepN7** : Don't worry, you're still special

Kaidan stares at that line. He wants to say something back, but what? Everything he comes up with sounds super creepy. How does Shep just say the nicest things and they don't sound creepy at all? Instead of saying, _and you're special to me too,_ he types,

**specialK2185** : I'm just glad my friend Ash isn't here.  
 **specialK2185** : She'd probably never let me live it down if she saw that you call me Kaidypoo  
 **specialK2185** : It would be really horrible  
 **specialK2185** : I would have to hate you forever  
 **justshepN7** : Oh, you know you love me

Okay, Kaidan, think of something clever and witty and cute. Let him know-

**justshepN7** : So  
 **justshepN7** : Ash is a fan of Mass Effect too?

Shep types it before Kaidan can think of anything. Dammit.

**specialK2185** : Yeah

he answers,

**specialK2185** : But she's more of a fem Shep than an Ashley  
 **specialK2185** : Ash loves Garrus though  
 **specialK2185** : Maybe she would like your friend  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah, probably  
 **justshepN7** : He's pretty awesome  
 **justshepN7** : If I do say so myself

There is another pause then,

**justshepN7** : Alright, I gotta go  
 **specialK2185** : So you're busy all night  
 **justshepN7** : Yeah.  
 **justshepN7** : But I'm not tomorrow  
 **justshepN7** : Work for you?  
 **specialK2185** : Yeah, that's great  
 **justshepN7** : Great  
 **specialK2185** : So  
 **justshepN7** : Talk to you tomorrow

\- - - - justshepN7 has logged off- - - - - 

**specialK2185** : Yeah, bye

Kaidan stares forlornly at his computer screen. He is really bummed about not being able to talk to SP (no, it's Shep now, Kaidan). Well, that makes him smile.

So, what is he going to do now? Saturday night and sitting at home alone is not only lame but depressing.

"Kaidan, honey, your friend Ash is here," his mom yells up to him. Yes! Saved.

"Send her up," he yells back.

"Kaidan, I just dumped that jack-ass Conrad," Ash says as soon as she comes through the door, "He stood me up again. I know of a party, you're coming with me and we're getting drunk. You don't have a choice in this."

A huge smile forms on his face. "You could just ask, Ash. You know I can't say no to you."

She smiles back at him fondly. "Yeah, I just like bossing you around," she admits with a shrug, "It makes me happy. Indulge me just this once, okay?"

"Yes Commander," Kaidan says, standing up quickly. He gives her a salute and a smirk. "I'll get the Mako. What's our destination ma'am?"

"We're going to my housemate's boyfriend's party. Eve says he has a keg and a LAN already setup. His housemate, Mordin, insisted on karaoke, so there's some of that too."

"Sounds great."

"And you want to know the best part?" Ash says in a dramatic voice.

"What?" Kaidan says in the same tone, humoring her.

"There's a CoD tournament. I'm going t'totally kick ass. Plus, I won't have to play against that jackass who made it his goal in life to come after me and only me."


	12. Not Done Yet!

T' hadn't bought the alcohol yet, which _sucked,_ because they were giving her a ride. Shep and Garrus had to wait outside the liquor store for like _twenty minutes_ and the party started without them. Grr. Arg.

Shep was maybe even pouting a little when they finally walked through the door an hour late. And there were even some drunk people already. _Dammit._ He was so far behind.

The cute drunk redhead girl, who he had noticed, stumbles and gets caught by a dark haired kid. "I'll have another," she slurs cheerfully. Shep can't seem to help watching. For some reason she just captures all your attention.

"Are you sure you should have another drink?" the guy who caught her says warily.

She just smiles at him and picks up a cup. "Not done yet!" she says and then downs it.

"O- _kay,"_ the brunette guy says, "I think that's it for now." He's trying to lead her away from the bar, which actually works, but only because she moves over to the gaming setup.

"Alright, my turn boys," she says, standing in front of the screen and blocking the gamers' view from the couch.

"You want to play?" a pompous looking guy asks, just humoring her. He sounds like he thinks this is just a joke. Asshole.

"Fuck _yeah,"_ she says, sounding pissed. "You ever heard of slash57?" she adds with attitude.

Then she has _all_ of his and Garrus' attention. Garrus starts walking towards the commotion. "Shep, I must move toward the beautiful girl calling the name of my hero," he says, only slightly joking.

"Yeah, slash57 is a legend," the asshole says to the girl, a little more interested, "Do you know him?" 

The girl gives him at look like _'you're a fucking idiot'_ (Shep approves) and then she hops up onto the table and yells, "I'm slash57 assholes! And I'll kick all yo' asses."

"You're slash57?!" Garrus says. He has moved in between the table and the couch, and now he's looking up at her in awe.

"Yeah, who the hell are you?" she asks glaring down at him.

And then Garrus actually gets flustered, "Uh, well I'm, um...GareBear."

Her mouth drops open in shock. "You're such a _jerk,"_ she says, and then, "but you're really _hot."_ She frowns at him, "I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you." Then offhandedly she adds, "I feel like Aria right now."

Garrus raises his eyebrows in surprise and then he starts to awkwardly say, "Well, I-"

But he doesn't finish because she pushes him and he plops down on the couch. She jumps down off the table and then onto Garrus. Then Garrus _can't_ say anything because she's covering his mouth with hers.

It apparently only takes Garrus a second to get onboard with her plan. He moans and wraps his arms around her waist. Shep decides that maybe it's time to stop starring at them wide eyed.

Fuck that was unexpected.

He looks away and his eyes fall on slash57's friend. The kid is staring at them wide eyed too. Then he looks over at Shep and his eyes widen even more, which seems _impossible._

Shep frowns at him, confused, because that sure is a weird reaction to have for someone you don't know. Because Shep doesn't know him. He would never forget those eyes and that hair. The guy is gorgeous.

Shep's eyes roam the brunette's body, appreciatively, but then lock on his chest.

_Spock._

Double take.

_Blue Spock shirt._

He looks back up at the kid sharply. The boy's mouth has dropped open in shock. 

Then they just stare at each other across the room. Shep feels like time has stopped and he along with it.

He finally shakes his head to clear it and he walks slowly towards the kid. "Hi," he says sounding surprised.

"Hi," the kid replies, sounding breathless.

"How's it going?" Shep asks awkwardly.

"Good…You?" The kid answers equally awkward.

"I'm also good...Major," Shep says.

"Fuck," the kid whispers. Then, "Commander," he quietly adds with a slight nod, like a greeting.

Oh. God. It's _him._ It's really him. MajorKool is standing in front of him _right now._

And he's a _total babe._

Shep isn't sure what to say. But apparently his mouth does, "You are so _hot,"_ he blurts.

The Major, no _K,_ stares at him with this adorable crease between his eyebrows. His mouth opens and closes like he can't figure out what to say. "Thank you," he finally manages, and then, "You're gorgeous," he says in an astonished tone.

Shep smiles at him and then adds, "I fucking love your hair." K’s hair is thick and dark and wild. It would probably look ridiculous on most people but it makes K look like the sexiest thing alive.

"What?!" K says surprised, "My hair is terrible." He gives Shep a confused little smile and adds, "No matter what I do to it, it stays awful. It's like Harry Potter hair."

"Dude, _no,"_ Shep stresses, "it's just like your Kaidan's 'just-fucked' hair, except _all the time._ Why would you ever wanna change that?" he asks. "I just really want to run my fingers through it," he adds, his fingers actually twitching a little at the thought. Then he thinks about what he just said. "Wow, that's a really inappropriate thing to say to someone you just m-"

"Okay," K interrupts.

"What?"

"Okay. You can," he motions vaguely to his hair, "If you want," he adds nervously.

"Yeah?" Shep asks.

"Yeah."

Shep steps forward the last two steps between them. He reaches up tentatively and treads his fingers through K's soft brown waves.

K takes in a sharp breath and his eyes slide shut. His mouth falls open a little as his breathing picks up. Shep can't look away from his lips. He trails his hands down the sides of K's face and cups his jaw.

K opens his eyes and his look is dark and heated. _Fuck._

Shep takes another step forward, leaning slightly up and-

 _"Kaidan,"_ a voice calls out behind him. K jumps, surprised. He turns to the voice. "His name is fucking _Garrus!"_ slash57 continues excited.

"I know," K says, barely loud enough for her to hear. She frowns at him a little, but he just turns back to Shep.

"Sorry, um-"

"Seriously," Shep interrupts, "Your name is actually _Kaidan?"_

"Yeah, it is," Kaidan _(Kaidan!)_ says bashfully.

"I want to find a way to have your babies," Shep states flatly.

Kaidan lets out a surprised breath like a laugh, then, "So your name is..?"

"Alex Shep," Shep answers.

A cute smile slides onto Kaidan's face. "Cool," he says and looks down shyly for a second. He meets Shep's eyes again and says, "Maybe we should," he waves in the direction of Garrus and slash57, who are now looking at them oddly.

They walk over and slash57 glances between them worriedly. "What's going on?" she asks from her position still straddling Garrus.

"I know Kaidyp-mphf," Shep starts, but Kaidan's eyes widen and he grabs the front of Shep's shirt quickly and pulls them together.

Kaidan's mouth very effectively interrupts Shep's endearment.

They open their mouths automatically to each other and their first kiss is deep and surprisingly a little desperate. Kaidan's mouth is _so_ addictive. Shep can't get enough of his taste, the feeling of Kaidan's tongue rough against his, the hum of Kaidan's moan into his mouth. He just wants _more._

He doesn't notice that he moves his hand until it's resting on Kaidan's neck, fingertips brushing Kaidan's hair. Kaidan's free hand moves to cup Shep's face in response.

Much _much_ too soon Kaidan pulls back a little. "Don't say that," he whispers against Shep's lips.

"Okay," Shep answers, weak and helpless.

"Kaidan," slash57 says. She is standing up now and she takes the last few steps over and grabs Kaidan's arm. "Come with me to the bathroom," she states, and then she pulls him away.

Shep watches them go, confused, "I thought only girls went to the bathroom in groups."


	13. O.o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to stop guessing when I'll be able to post something, or how long it will be, or how many chapters it will have. I'm almost always wrong. :(

"Did I just become the girl in that relationship," Kaidan asks as Ash shoves him in the bathroom and locks the door.

She gives him a pitying look, "Oh, Kaidan, that ship sailed a long time ago honey."

"Oh," he says. And then he pouts.

Ash rolls her eyes at him. Then, "So, Kaidan?" she makes a hand motion like 'spill'. "Me randomly making out with some guy I just met-" she tilts her head to the side, admitting "weird but possible." She points at him, "You making out with some guy you just met--you _initiating_ it--absolutely _unheard of."_ She looks at him excitedly, _"So, who is he?"_

Kaidan bites his lip as a huge smile threatens to take over his face, "CommanderSP."

"What!?! _Holy fuck_ Kaidan," she grabs his arms and shakes him a little, _"No--fucking--way."_

"Yes, fucking way," he says as his ridiculous smile wins the battle. "Oh, Ash, isn't he _gorgeous."_ Kaidan bites his lip in concern and then adds, "And I'm so worried I'm going to scare him off by asking him to marry me or telling him he's causing my brain to malfunction and my respiratory system to preform suboptimally. I'm going to get nervous and blurt something creepy or stupid and nerdy."

"That's _smart_ and nerdy, Kaidan," she corrects, "and your sciencey-ramblings are cute." After a pause of thought, she adds, "Actually, your creepy is kind of cute too." She pats the top of his head like he is her pet. "So don't worry about it, okay?"

He gives her a look to let her know he doesn't believe her. But, off the topic of him, "So Garrus?" he asks smirking.

Her eyes light up, "He's _so_ hot," she closes her eyes and hums like Garrus is something delicious. Looking back at Kaidan she adds with a nod, "And he has a huge cock. I totally felt it."

Kaidan's eyebrows go up, "Wow Ash," he shakes his head, "just wow." He shouldn't be surprised she just said that, but he is anyway. Oh, Ash.

"Okay, come on. Let's go claim our new boys," she says, practically squeeing in glee.

And when Kaidan sees Shep again it takes his breath away. _Again._ It has to stop doing that at some point, right? 

But Shep is beautiful. It's obvious he is an athlete, all thin lithe strong muscle. And the way his shirt fits, just the right kind of tight across his chest and stomach, leaves Kaidan just itching to take it off him. Kaidan's eyes drop down without his permission to see if he can see the outline of--yep, he totally can. It looks like Shep is semi-hard right now. Kaidan swallows as his mouth starts to literally water. Um...

...Yeah.

When Ash and Kaidan reach "their boys" it's awkward for a second as they all stand there with no one saying anything. Then Shep starts, "So-"

"Let's go out," Ash blurts, "I'm starving, I want Steak n' Shake."

"Yeah, okay," Shep answers, then, "Let's walk there."

So it's the four of them walking together; Shep and Kaidan next to each other, Ash and Garrus ahead of them. Shep's hand sways at his side and Kaidan looks at it forlornly. He really wants to reach out and tangle their fingers together, but just because they kissed _once,_ doesn't mean he has the right to touch Shep whenever he feels like it.

Kaidan puts his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out.

The two of them make awkward conversation as they walk: Shep's a sophomore, Kaidan's a sophomore, they're originally from opposite sides of the country; Shep from New York, Kaidan from Seattle, etc, etc. The important thing, though, is that Kaidan is managing to _not_ make a fool of himself. Yes!

When they get to the restaurant, Kaidan slides into the booth and Ash sits next to him. Shep slides in across from him and Garrus sits across from Ash. 

Kaidan's a little bummed he's not sitting next to Shep, but it's probably a good thing. Kaidan might have dropped his food all over himself when their arms accidentally brushed or something.

Except, as he looks across the table and his eyes meet Shep's, he realizes they are going to be looking at each other throughout the whole meal. (Kaidan puts the food dropping concern back into effect.) Which, now that he thinks of it, that was probably Ash's plan all along; she can make googley-eyes at Garrus this way.

And Kaidan can't help but glance up, his eyes meeting Shep's more often than not. Their glances feel like sips of something strong and alcoholic. Each time his heart stutters and his breathing is _definitely not optimal._

"So this is MajorKool," Garrus says, starting conversation. He's looking at Kaidan and Kaidan nods. "You know," Garrus continues with a smirk. He motions to Shep with his head, "he totally wrote CommanderSP xoxo MajorKool on the cover of his notebook." Shep's eyes go comically wide and then Garrus adds, "With a heart."

"It was a joke," Shep says indignantly and then he mumbles, "Sort of," in a way that invalidates his previous statement.

Kaidan slides his foot forward a little until the toe of his shoe bumps Shep's. Shep looks up at him sharply and then inches forward in the booth so he can rest their ankles together. Kaidan smiles and blushes at the table.

Shep takes in a deep breath, "Well, Garrus wrote a song about you Ash," he states.

"No I didn't," Garrus says, turning to frown at him, "Shep, _you_ wrote that song."

"Because _you_ wouldn't shut _up_ about slash57's ninja skills," Shep grumbles. "Anyway, you totally sang it," he adds loftily.

"Yeah, only because you got it stuck in my _head,"_ Garrus shoots back.

"Well, I want to hear it," Ash cuts in. Shep smirks and Garrus looks a little panicked.

"No way. Shep don't you dare-" Garrus starts.

"From you Garrus," Ash interrupts softly.

"No, you really don't-"

"Yes, I really _really_ do," Ash states seriously. She gives Garrus a complicated look that Kaidan is pretty sure he doesn't speak _woman_ well enough to decipher.

Garrus holds her eyes and then quietly says, "Okay, maybe later then." Ash looks smug and then she turns to Kaidan.

"Well, how about your poem Kaidan."

"I didn't write a poem," he denies quickly. Much too quickly. Dammit. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Liar," Ash says under her breath.

"And if I had," Kaidan continues, looking anywhere but at Shep, "it would totally have been deleted and I would have, most assuredly, forgotten all about it."

"So you don't recognize this," Ash continues, _because she is evil._ "Commander you have commandeered my heart--"

"Shut up," Kaidan demands.

"SP, your words to me--"

"Shut up, shut up, _shut up,"_ Kaidan begs and thankfully she _finally_ does.

"Fine, Kaidan," she says, pouting. "Spoilsport."

Kaidan blinks at the table, _mortified,_ and tries to pull his leg back away from Shep but Shep traps Kaidan's foot with both of his and doesn't let Kaidan go.

"I think that's sweet," Shep says softly, looking at Kaidan until Kaidan glances up. Shep doesn't look freaked out or disgusted or like he's laughing at Kaidan. He looks like he means it. Kaidan gives him a small embarrassed smile and takes a deep breath.

"So, Ash, am I right when I say that Garrus is that CoD guy you hate?"

"Used to hate," she says a little warily, "yes."

Kaidan smiles, "So this is Bare-Ass Dick-Face?" Shep snorts a surprised laugh and Garrus looks like he thinks that's pretty funny too.

"Yeah," Ash sighs, "Not my best work ever." 

"Sounds pretty kinky to me," Shep says appreciatively.


	14. ArmageddoN7

"So, I already know the Major is a bit kinky," Shep says, "He totally wants me in a collar and a leash." Shep makes sure to hold onto Kaidan's foot tightly with his because Kaidan tries to pull away again. Shep hopes it's clear to Kaidan that Shep is fine with. Like _FINE_ with that. "So Ash," he continues, "what's your kink?"

"Shep," Garrus says sharply, "have you ever heard of the _right to privacy_ or too much information?"

"I've never heard of either of those things," Shep answers innocently, "You're just making shit up, aren't you?"

"Well, Shep," Ash speaks up, "that's for me to know and him to find out." She gives Garrus bedroom eyes and Garrus drops his look to the table but a silly smile forms on his face.

"What's yours?" Ash asks Shep.

"Nerds," Shep says quickly without thought.

"That's not a kink," Ash says looking cheated.

"It is when you get a hard-on listening to scientific techno-babble in a sexy voice."

Garrus snorts, "Yeah, I won't let him watch Sherlock while I'm in the room." He glances at Shep and smirks, "It gets a bit awkward."

Ash looks at Kaidan with a goofy smile and nudges his shoulder with hers. Kaidan blushes and looks down at the table.

And, _Oh, Damn. Now_ Shep is _intensely_ curious. Yes, yes, fuck, _please._ He bites his lip.

"Let's rent a movie tonight," Shep blurts, so he doesn't say, _Talk nerdy to me baby._ It's a close thing though.

They walk to Family Video after food and Shep glances sadly at Kaidan's hands hidden in his jeans pockets. He really wants to hold Kaidan's hand, but Kaidan is making that difficult. Grr.

They kind of all split up when they get to the rental store, but Kaidan is walking down the isle next to him. Shep can see him each time they come to a division between the rack shelves. Their eyes keep meeting and Kaidan is giving him the best sexy-shy smile Shep has ever seen.

He happens to be a little distracted and not watching where he is going and then *thunk* So, of course, like an _idiot,_ he runs into the display at the end of the isle. "Shit," he says softly as he loses balance.

He reaches out to the shelf to stop himself from falling, and then only manages to knock some DVDs down as he falls on his ass, _"Fuck,"_ he says louder, because that kind of hurt.

Kaidan runs around the end of the isle and Shep is _so_ embarrassed. Kaidan worriedly starts to say, "Shep are you-"

And Shep tries to jump up quickly to salvage the situation, "Yeah, I'm fi _-ah,"_ he starts to say and then proceeds to slip on one of the cases.

He is so full of win right now.

Kaidan lunges forward to grab him and Shep ends up wrapped in Kaidan's arms. Which is...actually perfect. That was totally his plan all along you know.

And Kaidan is even better up this close.

The boy is about four inches taller than him and his eyes are the perfect, warm, milk-chocolate-color, brown. And Kaidan's lips, _damn._ And Shep had that mouth on his and, _fuck_ he doesn't want anything more than to have it on him again. Right now. Shep licks his lips at the thought and then Kaidan inhales a soft gasp.

Shep's eyes swing up to meet Kaidan's and then Kaidan leans forward fractionally, bringing their lips together. Shep's eyes slide shut and his mouth opens to Kaidan's like it was made to do this. Their tongues slide together, rough-and-smooth, and then Shep tilts his head to the side, making the kiss deeper. They both hum a sound of want at the same time and then Shep's moan trails off to a whimper because that is just _so fucking hot._

Shep moves to wrap one arm around Kaidan's waist, pulling their bodies together harder, and the other up to tangle his fingers in Kaidan's perfect hair a little desperately. He's about to press Kaidan up against the nearest surface and take this to the next level, but the sound of a throat clearing interrupts them. They break the kiss but Shep tightens his hold around Kaidan's waist so they don't step apart. They turn to see...

Garrus with the raised eyebrow and Ash with the smirking.

"Uh, hi," Shep says awkwardly.

"Hi," Ash says amused. Shep finally releases Kaidan and then adjusts his jeans so they are a little less...uncomfortable.

When Kaidan kneels down Shep realizes he still left a bunch of DVDs all over the floor. Oh, right. His moment of epic failure.

He drops down to help and then, "Yes! Armageddon! This is totally what we want to watch tonight." He stands up and waves the DVD in the air. Shep looks at the others and sees Ash nod.

"Yeah, I could really go for some Ex _PLO_ sions, by Michael Bay," she says, dramatizing the word like Seth Green did.

"I know, right," Shep responds with a smile. He looks at Kaidan for his opinion, but Kaidan just looks confused. "You know, that Robot Chicken preview," Shep elaborates, but Kaidan just shakes his head. "No?" Shep continues, "Damn. Alright, we're getting this one and I'm showing you that clip."

"Okay," Kaidan says with a shrug.

"Hey, _I_ don't want to watch Armageddon," Garrus complains.

"Sorry Garrus, but you have been out _-voted,"_ Shep says with emphasis.

"Only because you already have Kaidan in your pocket," Garrus grumbles back.

"Aww, Garrus, are you that bummed about it?" Shep teases him.

"Yeah, Garrus, are you that bummed?" Ash says giving a him flirty pouty look.

Garrus blinks at her, "Uh, no, it's fine," he says, "Armageddon is fine."

"Looks like someone has you in _her_ pocket," Shep says in a sing-song voice.

They all decide to go back to Shep & Garrus's dorm because it's not a far walk. Kaidan and Shep proceed to have a few more awkward-but-at-least-we're-talking moments. They still haven't quite figured this part out yet.

But _now,_ Shep notices, Kaidan isn't keeping his hands in his pockets. Shep lets his fingers brush "accidentally" against Kaidan's a few times. And then a huge smile forms on his face as he feels Kaidan's hand slide into his and their fingers link together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from a song with the same name by the band Big Giant Circles.


	15. Shep's Ass

So, Kaidan's pretty sure Shep notices how he pauses before he says most things. Kaidan really hopes Shep doesn't think he's stupid. Kaidan isn't, he just has to put extra effort into not saying the first thing that comes to mind.

Or the second.

And sometimes the third.

He doesn't say, _Your hands would look great on me._

Or, _I mean, your hands are great, please put them all over me._

He says, "I really like this," lightly squeezing Shep's hand.

He doesn't say, _If you were cosine squared, I would be your sine squared._

Then adding, _Of the same angle obviously or else it doesn't work._ And, _Because, you know, if you add them, they equal one._ Which would have included some flaily hand motions that clarify nothing. _So what I'm saying is, you and I would be one...like we complete each other...or something..._ he would finish, trailing off awkwardly.

Kaidan even manages not to say, _I'm a kind of creepy dork. Please be my boyfriend._

"I like math," Kaidan blurts instead, seemingly at random. It's only a little awkward.

"Cool," Shep responds with a nod.

Kaidan's a little relieved when they finally reach Shep's dorm.

"Yes! Rock Band!" Ash says excitedly as they walk through the door, "I love this game. Let's play guys." She turns to give Garrus a smitten smile.

Kaidan likes this idea, no talking for a while. Maybe he can calm himself down. Shep's making him feel a little crazy.

"I'm lead guitar," Shep calls out as an answer to Ash. _Annnd,_ that's not good.

"No way, I'm lead guitar," Ash says back, expecting no argument, as normal.

"But I'm _always_ lead guitar," Shep argues.

"So am _I,"_ Ash stresses, getting annoyed.

"I bet I'm better," Shep adds a little snottily.

"I _highly_ doubt that," Ash says glaring at him.

Wow, this is going to be just _great._ Thankfully Garrus clears his throat and says, _"Shep,"_ warningly.

Shep growls a little. "Fine," he says, slightly petulant, "I'll sing." Then a big smile forms on his face, "and this way I can dance too."

Garrus rolls his eyes but still says, "Thank you," then, "I'm bass."

"Perfect," Ash adds happily, "Kaidan _loves_ the drums."

Which is true. Kaidan's got _rhythm_ even if he doesn't have _suave._ He's not afraid to admit, he's pretty good at this game. In fact, they all play really well together, they should be in a band.

Shep's a good singer, too. And rhythm..? Well, Shep has _something._ It could be rhythm. Kaidan's pretty sure it's not actually _bad_ dancing. It's just...eclectic.

And distracting.

 _Really_ distracting.

Kaidan fumbles and misses a beat.

Because, well, Shep's jeans are pretty fitted against his thighs and ass. Kaidan can almost get a good idea of how Shep would look _out_ of them. And it's that _almost_ that is driving him insane right now. Shep's ass is swaying to the beat, and he happens to have a _very_ nice ass. Kaidan _really_ wants to see it _out of those jeans._

Unfortunately his hands agree so they aren't all about playing the drums right now. He fights to tear his eyes away from Shep and back to the screen for more than a second. By now, he is missing every third or fourth beat.

Then Shep does a half spin and rolls his hips.

Oh god.

Kaidan loses the beat completely.

He closes his eyes and tries to refocus. Okay Major, you can do this. He opens his eyes back up.

But all this moving around Shep's doing, well, Shep's jeans have sagged a little off of his hips. Kaidan can see a sliver of skin between them and his shirt, which has shifted up. He can see Shep's hip bones and that sexy trail of hair that disappears past his pant line.

This is _so_ not a fair fight. Kaidan shakes his head to clear it and tries-

Nope. Not happening.

And so,

\----Song Failed----

the screen informs him.

"Kai _-dan,"_ Ash whines.

He looks over at her pitifully. "I'm sorry, I can do better," he drops his gaze to the drum sticks he's holding loosely in his lap. "I'm not usually this bad," he adds.

"Yeah, maybe if you stopped ogling Shep's ass you would play better." She smirks at him and then motions between the two of them. "Swap you two," she demands.

"I don't want to sing Ash," Kaidan cants.

"You have a great voice, get up there," she encourages. Kaidan groans but does what she says. And he knows he's not bad, he's been informed lots of times his voice is really great, but he's got nothing on Shep.

In fact it looks like Shep is pretty good at the drums too. He must have rhythm in there somewhere. Or maybe he just refuses to be bad at anything. That wouldn't surprise Kaidan either.

Then Kaidan wonders if he can mess with Shep.

So, Kaidan sways his hips a little and Shep misses a beat.

Kaidan smirks, works both ways then, huh.

Well, what if Kaidan does his patented 'cute-awkward-shuffle'?

Kaidan bites his lip to stifle a grin as Shep loses the rhythm completely.

Then Kaidan _accidentally_ drops the microphone and has to bend over to pick it up. The confused drum beating ceases entirely. _Annnd..._

\----Song Failed----

"Okay, you guys are just worthless," Ash states disappointed.

Kaidan smiles to himself. It shouldn't have been his goal to make them lose, but, well, that was _pretty fucking awesome._

"How can you two be _that_ distracted by each other?" Kaidan gives her a raised eyebrow. Ash rolls her eyes and adds, "Well, I can sort of understand being distracted by Shep's dancing. That's a bit...something."

"Well," Kaidan says as Shep starts to pout, "I think it's great," which wins Kaidan a really fantastic smile from Shep.

"Then you are definitely blind," Garrus says to him.

"Okay, let's just watch the movie," Ash sighs.

When the movie starts Shep and Garrus hop up onto their respective beds. Ash sits in front of Garrus and leans back against him.

So is Kaidan supposed to-

"You could lay back on me," Shep says motioning to the spot on his bed directly in front of him.

"Yeah, okay," Kaidan says and copies Ash and Garrus' position. It's a little more awkward because Ash is shorter than Garrus and Kaidan is taller than Shep but they work out a pretty decent ratio of effectiveness to comfort to closeness.

Kaidan's in between Shep's legs and he's leaning a little back, onto Shep's chest, slightly off center so Shep is looking over Kaidan's shoulder. Kaidan's knees are bent and sort of close to his body, in an almost defensive position. He's a little tense. Shep bends one of his knees and lines it up next to Kaidan's. Then Shep takes in a slightly shaky breath just above the fabric of Kaidan's shirt. 

"Can you see fine?" Kaidan asks nervously.

"Yeah." Shep's breath teases Kaidan's neck and he shivers.

Shep pulls his comforter over both of their laps, then a little timidly he slides his hands around Kaidan's sides and basically hugs Kaidan to himself. Kaidan covers Shep's arms with his, his hands resting on top of Shep's, and then he links their fingers together.

Then Kaidan pretends to watch the movie while he actually listens to Shep's breathing and soaks in the feeling of his body so close.

Shep huffs a laugh at an apparently funny part and Kaidan realizes he's the only one who didn't react.

He _feels_ Shep's attention shift to him. "Are you watching the move?" Shep asks quietly.

"Not really," Kaidan admits, "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," Shep says against his shoulder, his breath warming up Kaidan's shirt. 

Kaidan swallows, turns his head slightly, not enough to make it obvious he isn't watching, and then he looks out of the corner of his eyes at Shep. Shep looks up to meet them.

"I'm not paying very good attention to it either," Shep says softly and then nuzzles the back of Kaidan's neck. Shep takes in a deep and broken breath. "I want to do so many things to you," he whispers. Kaidan's eyes squeeze shut and his mouth opens on a harsh breath.

He feels Shep's cock flex against his ass.

"Fuck," Kaidan says, the sound barely more than a breath. Shep responds with a soft surprised moan into Kaidan's neck and another involuntary movement of his cock.

Shep moves one of his hands out from under Kaidan's and trails it down Kaidan's stomach. When he reaches the edge of Kaidan's shirt he whispers, "Is this okay?" into Kaidan's ear. Kaidan nods quickly and shifts his legs more open to give Shep some room.

He glances over to Ash and Garrus but they seem focused on the movie.

Shep moves Kaidan's shirt up with his thumb and then slides his hand onto Kaidan's bare stomach. Then Shep slides his hand down, following Kaidan's happy trail, and he dips his fingertips into the front of Kaidan's jeans. It's not far enough down to touch him, but it's an incredible tease.

It takes a second for Kaidan to realize it's too restricted for Shep to take this farther.

"Can you..?" Shep asks breathlessly. He can't easily reach the front of Kaidan's jeans with both hands. 

"Yeah, okay," Kaidan says. He looks over at Ash and Garrus again but they're not paying attention because Ash is now on Garrus' lap and they're making out.

Kaidan reaches down and feels a little weird as he unbuttons and unzips his own pants. But then Shep whispers, "Good," against Kaidan's skin, like a praise, and Kaidan feels ridiculously better because of it.

Shep reaches in an pulls Kaidan's hard cock out of the front of his boxers. Then Shep wraps his hand around Kaidan and strokes him, sliding each finger across the sensitive top. Kaidan drops his head back against Shep's shoulder. He lets out a moan like a sharp breath in and out.

"Fuck," Shep breathes out surprised and then strokes him again, starting to suck a kiss onto the back of Kaidan's neck.

And it shouldn't be enough; Shep's hand on his cock, Shep's sounds in his mind, the hard cock against his ass, and the mouth on his neck, but it is. It's _so_ much. And he's just been _wanting_ all night.

"Shep, I..." Kaidan starts, then bites his lip and comes.

"Fuck," Shep whispers, "you're so hot," in what sounds like awe, as Kaidan tries not to make a sound. But the tone in Shep's voice is incredible and Kaidan's mouth opens on a quiet vocal exhale.

Shep holds him through his orgasm and Kaidan feels so wanted-loved-treasured from the way that Shep is holding him.

Kaidan's breathing slowly returns to normal. "Shep-" Kaidan starts to say.

"Well, I want more alcohol," Ash interrupts as she climbs off the bed.

Shep and Kaidan freeze.

"Garrus, let's go get some from my apartment," she continues, "I've got plenty there."

"Sure," Garrus says with a shrug and then follows her off the bed.

"Guys?" Ash asks them. They probably look at her with matching deer-in-headlight expressions.

"No," Shep's voice is deep and rough and he has to clear his throat, "I think we'll, um, stay here." 

"Alright, maybe you'll _come_ later," Ash says and then they leave with a "Bye," and a, "See you guys." The boys hear the door shut and then they're alone.

"Oh, god, do you think they saw?" Kaidan asks freaking out a little.

"I don't think so," Shep answers, hugging Kaidan a little harder to comfort him.

Then both of their phones beep for received texts.

They break apart, slide off the bed, Kaidan zipping back up his pants, Shep wiping his hand on his sheets, and grab their phones.

Shep snorts. "Got a text from Garrus. It says 'Busy with some Calibrations. Won't be back."

Kaidan smiles a little at that and looks at his phone.

 **Ash** : Took the car, so you'll have to stay there.

He types back,

 **Me** : That's fine.  
 **Ash** : I know it is.  
 **Ash** : Totally saw what you guys did.

Oh, god, no, Kaidan thinks, but Ash continues quickly,

 **Ash** : Hot as fuck by the way.  
 **Ash** : See you tomorrow & I'm expecting DETAILS.


	16. Calibrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is seriously the end (these last two chapters). _Finally._ This story has remained unpredictable until the very end. It's a bit nerve racking. But I hope it doesn't disappoint...

"She saw us," Kaidan says, his voice quiet. Shep turns sharply to take in his horrified expression. Oh, shit.

"Hey," Shep says softly, moving to stand in front of him. "Don't worry about it alright?" Shep reaches up to cup Kaidan's face and brings their lips together. He doesn't know how else to make Kaidan feel better except to maybe distract him. "Please?" he adds. Kaidan nods, a slight frown marring his forehead, and then he leans in and returns the kiss, mouth opening to Shep.

And, _wow,_ this still feels ridiculously amazing.

Kaidan finally relaxes and lets out a happy sigh. Which is great. But it's certainly not the uncontrollable sound of naked want that Shep responds with. He may be a bit more wound up than Kaidan right now. Shep kind of wants to climb Kaidan like a tree. Like. A. Tree.

But Shep is just still so _damn_ hard. And it's--Shep glances at the clock--3 am right now. _Okay. Okay Shep, calm the fuck down._ Because Shep really needs to stop this _now_ if nothing else is going to happen tonight.

"Are you tired?" Shep asks weakly.

"No," Kaidan answers quickly, too quickly to be the truth. Then after a pause Kaidan lets out a long sigh and adds, "maybe a little."

Okay. Shep. Time to back off. No tree climbing tonight. You can do this. And there's always tomorrow. Right?..Maybe...Hopefully.

Shep takes a deep breath and asks, "So, uh, what do you want to-"

Kaidan interrupts him with a hummed-moan, like surprise-and-want mixed with a side of need, and then, "This," he says as he takes Shep's mouth back with his. But this time with more heat. He moves his hands to Shep's waist, sliding under Shep's shirt, and it feels like Shep's skin is on fire wherever Kaidan touches him.

Shep rolls his hips against Kaidan's involuntarily.

"Exactly this," Kaidan adds, "Except on the bed," his voice going deep, almost growling the demand.

And Shep just melts. "Uh huh," is his articulate response. They try to get back on the bed without breaking their kiss for more than a second. It kinda works.

Well, Shep kind of falls back onto the bed with Kaidan above him. Kaidan has one knee on the bed between Shep's legs and one hand still on Shep's waist. He holds himself over Shep and then leans in to kiss him.

"You taste so good," Kaidan whimpers. Shep makes another inarticulate sound of agreement and Kaidan slides his hand up Shep's side, pushing Shep's shirt a little out of the way. Then Kaidan really does growl, "I really need this off you." He nibbles on Shep's lip. "I've been wanting to get it off you all night."

And, okay, growling Kaidan? Wanting to rip his clothes of? "Fuck, that's hot." Even if it does kind of make him feel like Stiles. "You are driving me so crazy right now," Shep breathes out, "I can't even..."

Then they both try to get Shep's shirt off at the same time and somehow manage tangled up in it...with it... still... covering... Shep's... face.

The moment is rivaling his epic fail from earlier. But then Kaidan's mouth meets his as soon as Shep's head is free and he can't really be bothered to feel embarrassed. His arms are still stuck, but then again, Kaidan probably likes that too.

"Sorry," Kaidan whispers against his lips and pulls the shirt the rest of the way off.

"You can make it up to me later," Shep says in a quick breath before the next kiss.

Then Kaidan leans back far enough to actually look at him. "Oh, god, you're beautiful," he says, placing his hand over Shep's heart and then sliding it down Shep's chest and stomach. Shep arches up into Kaidan's touch.

Kaidan cups Shep's face and leans forward to kiss him again, "What do you want?" Kaidan asks on his next breath. "I'll do whatever you want."

"Fuck." And Shep can't help it--he has to ask. "Talk nerdy to me baby," the sentence sounds as ridiculous outloud as it did in his head but, _oh,_ how he wants it.

"Uh, I don't-" Kaidan starts, then, "okay, um," Kaidan kisses him and whispers, "Kanehk byihkku," breathlessly, in between kisses and against Shep's lips, "baangwij shohk vihnehk."

What? "What did you..." Shep starts to ask, then "...did you just..." because if he _did,_ that's just so _fuck,_ "...speak _Klingon_ to me?"

"Yes..." Kaidan whines, breathless and worried.

"Fuck that's hot," Shep says, closing his eyes as heat spikes through him. "What..." he opens his eyes back to Kaidan, "...what did you say?"

"I want you," Kaidan kisses him, "you're gorgeous," he kisses Shep again. "Be my boyfriend," he leans back and looks Shep in the eyes.

"Yes, hell yes," Shep answers. And then Kaidan leans in to bring their lips together, humming a happy sound into Shep's mouth. "Fuck I want you," Shep says when his mouth is free.

Then Kaidan moves his lips up to Shep's ear and whispers, "Do you want to fuck me?" Shep freezes. Oh god, how is Kaidan even _real?_

"Yes. Yes I do," Shep answers, having a little trouble breathing, "I very much do. But, uh, not tonight," he adds, willing Kaidan to understand and not to think he sounds stupid. "You're tired. And I...want it to be special."

"Okay," Kaidan continues next to Shep's ear, "Well, then I want to suck you off." 

Shep's whole body quakes at that. "Fuck, Kaidan."

Kaidan reaches down to undo Shep's pants and Shep lifts his hips up a little so Kaidan can pull them off.

Shep starts to say, "I want you-" but apparently he doesn't need to finish because Kaidan answers with an, "Okay," and pulls his own shirt over his head, revealing a gorgeous chest with just the right amount of hair.

Kaidan takes Shep's mouth one more time and then starts placing kisses down Shep's chest. Shep feels a goofy laugh bubble up in his throat. "What?" Kaidan asks self-consciously, but the word is still kissed onto his nipple.

"I'll write the Shepard parts, you write the Kaidan," is all he says for an explanation. Kaidan kisses a smile against his rib, stomach, hip bone.

Then Kaidan wraps his hand around Shep's erection and breathes warm air against it. He smiles a small nervous smile up a Shep, sticks his tongue out and then licks a stripe up the underside before taking Shep in, whole and deep.

Shep's toes curl. "Fuck," he says and leans his head back trying to process the influx of feeling. When he can manage he looks back and "Holy, fucking, _Kaidan."_ The way Kaidan looks, mouth around Shep's cock, eyes looking back up to Shep's. _Fuck._

Kaidan moans around him and Shep has to close his eyes again. He reaches up to tangle his fingers in his own hair, drag his hands down his face and then grab the edge of the bed with one hand and a fist full of sheets with the other.

His eyes snap open when he hears a zipper. Kaidan is pulling his cock out of his pants and starting to quickly stroke it. Shep can sort of see what's going on, but just the thought, _damn, so hot._

He can feel the build up of sensation in his balls and, "K...I..." Shep tries to warn him but Kaidan hums in response and then just swallows him down as Shep starts to come.

Kaidan's moan picks up in volume and pitch as he starts to come too. "Yes, fuck, yes," Shep says as he is completely overwhelmed by what he's feeling and seeing.

Kaidan sucks off and licks Shep clean as Shep is starting to get over sensitive. He places another kiss on Shep's hip and then looks down where he came all over the sheets. "Sorry," he says, still out of breath.

"I don't care," Shep answers pulling Kaidan towards him. When Kaidan is close enough, Shep leans up to kiss him. "You might not want to-" Kaidan tries to say, backing up a little.

"I don't care," Shep says again, cups Kaidan's face, and takes his mouth a bit desperately. Shep leans up and kisses Kaidan's forehead. "You're amazing," Shep says, his lips sliding against Kaidan's skin.

They finally get Kaidan's pants all the way off and toss them to the floor along with the soiled sheet. Then they lay down, facing each other, to let their breathing return to normal.

Shep touches Kaidan's face, traces his eyebrows, trails a finger down his forehead to the tip of his nose, and then outlines Kaidan's lips with his thumb.

He watches Kaidan's body relax, his eyes closing longer and longer for each blink, until they slide closed and stay shut.

"You're falling asleep," Shep whispers to him.

"No 'mnot Shep..." Kaidan slurs and tries to open his eyes, which works for about a half a second, "...right there..." he continues, "...ih Mako jusnee s'mm 'brations..."

Shep snorts and leans forward to kiss Kaidan's nose. "Good night Kaidan," he whispers and then lets his eyes slide shut too. He drifts off to sleep next to Kaidan.

His _real life_ Kaidan.

 _His_ real life Kaidan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes On [Kaidan's Klingon](http://prettysemmy.tumblr.com/post/31683123664/kaidans-klingon).


	17. This Chapter Came Out Of Nowhere...But They Like Doing That To Me Don't They

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for (bad?) poetry. Please don't hate me...

"Kaidan," Ash says to him over the phone, "It's a really cute one year anniversary present. It's going to be great."

"Well, I'm not sure about great," he answers, "but it's certainly heartfelt."

"Well, what are you doing talking to me?" she chastises, "Get over there, and have fun tonight."

"You too Ash." Kaidan hangs up and knocks on Shep's door. It opens before the second knock and he gasps in surprise as he's in yanked into the room, wrapped in Shep's arms, and kissed like its the best thing to do in the whole galaxy.

"You ready to go?" Shep says a bit breathless.

"Yeah," Kaidan answers, "but, um, presents first?"

"Sure. Presents first," Shep says smirking at him. Kaidan glances to the bag, setting on Shep's bed, that has to be for him.

"Can I go first?" Kaidan says absurdly nervous, "I just really need to get this over with or I won't be able to focus."

"That good, huh?" Shep asks. Kaidan gives him a small smile and then pulls out the present; hand written and on lined paper. "Are you finally going to read to me that poem you wrote for CommanderSP?" Shep teases a little hopefully.

"No. Deleted, remember?" Kaidan says raising his eyebrows, "But, uh, this one is pretty much just as bad." He takes a deep breath, "Well, um, here it goes."

He holds Shep's eyes and then quickly has to look back down. Damn this is embarrassing. But Shep kept asking about that poem and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Um...yeah...erm.

"Shep," Kaidan says and it sounds awkwardly official. He takes a breath and continues, "Just in case I don't tell you enough, here's 'Forty Ways To Say I Love You:"

"I love the way you smile  
When you start talking of teaching  
The way that you love helping people  
And need my help with reaching"

The way you're good at everything  
And let Garrus beat you anyway  
I love listening to you sing  
And I love watching you play"

He glances up at Shep and Shep's giving him a sweet warm smile so Kaidan continues after a deep shaky breath,

"I love the way that you command  
And yet still follow my demands  
I love your skills at rock band  
I love it that you swallow

Your bravery, your loyalty  
Your teasing and your goofy  
I love it how your kisses  
Still feel like they are a new thing"

He has to glance back up after that because it's really something that amazes him every time, and he really wants Shep to know that. Shep's expression is more serious but Kaidan's pretty sure it's still a good one. He continues, his voice wavering a little less,

"I love the sound of your voice  
The sound of your moans  
The sound of your sleeping

I love that teasing you with this"

Kaidan turns and does his awkward shuffle, which he knows makes Shep stare at his ass. Then he turns back, biting his lip, and meeting Shep's eyes, before continuing,

"Still gets you stuttering and tripping

How you're sweet to me when I'm sick  
Your terrible taste in music  
The sexy way that you lick  
Me or popsicles," he shrugs, "both are hot

Your obsession with my hair  
Your tendency to over share  
That you'll kiss me everywhere  
Your taste, your lips, your cock

I seriously love your eyebrows"

Kaidan glances up and smirks at Shep.

"Especially when you do, Yeah, when you do that," he says as Shep raises said eyebrows.

"And how your confusion always shows  
I'm just saying that it's cute

How we don't stand a chance  
At stopping you from a happy dance  
And it doesn't matter where we are  
or if we have an audience"

He smiles nervously at Shep again and shrugs. It's not the best rhyming poem but he means all of it so...

"That you _never_ make me feel creepy  
And always make me feel dorky  
But that it's the best thing I could be  
And I love it that you cook"

Kaidan pauses for a breath and a swallow and then finishes,

"The way you say 'I love you Kaidan'  
And the look you give me that's sayin'  
That it feels like for you  
That the look I give you  
And the words are still new  
When I tell you, I love you too

"Uh, that's it," Kaidan adds, bites his lip, and looks at Shep nervously. Then Shep just grabs him and drags him in for a sweet and slightly desperate kiss. "I loved it," Shep says against his mouth. Then, "And I'm definitely feeling a little inadequate with my present."

Kaidan smiles, relaxed now that he got it out, and asks, "What did you get me?"

Shep grabs the bag off the bed and then just hands it to him. Kaidan opens it and feels a huge smile form on his face. "And we can use these?" he asks.

"Well, it's not the first date is it?"


End file.
